I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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