Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
