i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
not ubering you a puppy
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
