So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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