Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
