And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
