I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
