the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
