I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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