I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
