I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Drake has all the answers
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
