Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
