i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
