I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I understand Curling. That high.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
