mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
