She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
