well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
