i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
