He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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