I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
