Your face is a jimmy john
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
