For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize