weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
