You work out of a Hotel?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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