I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
