matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
