my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize