Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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