i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think people are normalizing furries
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
