Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
