for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
