I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize