You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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