There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
