I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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