I forgot how hot balto sounded
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
