You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
