people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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