this just has baby written all over it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
