If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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