I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
