A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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