Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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