Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
