You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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