So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
