I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize