He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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