Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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