She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
