I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
