It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
