so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
