I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
