Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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