Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
