do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
