He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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