Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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