I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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