well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
