You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
