last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
birth control should be required to get into college
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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