my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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