You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
