Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
