You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
