RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
