How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize