have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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