Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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