I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize