she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
