its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Holy sore nipples Batman
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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