I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize