Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
