Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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