I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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