Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
