i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
