alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
