Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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