I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
