She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
