I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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