what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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