Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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