god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
