This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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