escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
