Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
