I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
