when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
