Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
honey bunches of taint.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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