It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
