The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize