i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
