I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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