I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
