corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
