I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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