also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
