dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
