On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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