theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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