Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
