69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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