Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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