Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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