So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize