her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
