went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
