i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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