I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
