Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
