I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
